I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
did i walk over a car last night?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize