And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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