Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
