too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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