I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
