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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Did we have sex?

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?

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• (917): View more from New York City

  did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?

  (914): View more from New York

  you mean faeutihaers?

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution

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