This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
