Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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