We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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