Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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