Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
