Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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