I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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