I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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