Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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