I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
