Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
