I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We got so high we made milksteak
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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