she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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