hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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