hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
