so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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