Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
