Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
