It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
