I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
