Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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