How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
