Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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