I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize