The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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