Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
