grandma shit on top of the toilet
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
