i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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