Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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