I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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