I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
