I think I won the penis lottery.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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