She is in my trunk
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
