can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
