His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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