ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
