i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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