Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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