kristin has been a bad kristin
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
