I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
