Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
