hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
