In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
