i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize