I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
