Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
