We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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