I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
