Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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