sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
