I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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