the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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