just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
