Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
