Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
