Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
