Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it was like eating out sand paper
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
