also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
