Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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