I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
