just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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