Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
