One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize