thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
