It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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