Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
