not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
