gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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