so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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