Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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