Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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