i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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