im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
