I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
