dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
