I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
