I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize