I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
