U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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