I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Holy shit dude........stairs
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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