Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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