he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i believe in u and ur pee
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
