yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
