you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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