There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
