that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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