she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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