Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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