Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize