Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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