Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
