Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
