I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
