that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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