Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just cropdusted the office
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
