The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
