watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When did angry sex become our thing?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
