This girl is more easily done than said...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
