I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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