Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
