So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dear god my vagina.
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