hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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