i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize