Just fell off a train. Bad.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
