At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
