Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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