i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
