i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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